The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry . . .

I'm very tempted to vent my woe's, to tell the world how put upon I am. For "those who do not complain are never pitied" - my best laid plans are crumbing around me. Last night I had my little pity party - an old roommate Josh would have called me a "sufferbaby" and he'd have been right. Dick Hammer would have told me to accept my responsibility's and he'd be right. It's no fun when things go to crap and it's not anyone's fault but you are responsible for it. But who said that life has to be what my definition of fun is at any time. I could hang on to my plans for the break - hang on and let the fact that they are not coming to frution poison the remaining time I have. And last night that was exactly what I was and what I wanted to do. I was mad, and still, and quiet. And I wanted to stay that way - to stay that way until the rest of the world was more miserable than me, till the whole world knew how I suffered. Till I knew that they understood - then once there was no joy left in the world, then I could be happy, or at rather I could wallow in justified misery.

In "The Great Divorce" Lewis talks about how pity often can be used the wrong way, how some will try to use it to hold joy hostage, the idea that Hell can rule over Heaven. That sadness and despair should to tell joy when and where it can be. Despair's wish that joy must be dependent it's permission before it can do it's work. That is where I was last night, or where I wanted to be.

And the rather funny thing is - that I have a wonderful prospect in front of me - I get to spend 6 to 7 hours with a very close and dear friend, with my best friend - and I've come to realize that I can truly say that. Sure the week is blown - my plans have gone phut - but, but that's not the point - I can't change that - let it go. Focus on what will be the highlight of your break Neil - focus on that, don't worry about what you can't change. Swallow your pride, stop being selfish, and have fun! Enjoy the time you've been given.

See!!!

Already you're smiling
Already you're excited
Already you are thinking of the next trip over.