Not sure what to title this post . . .

I'm awake - maybe not for long - maybe for a while - I can never tell on these nights. There is something about long phone calls that seem short, fleeting, leaving me longing for the next. How can I tell you what it is like, to hear and be heard.

I can't - and yet I suspect that some of you understand all to well. I suspect that some are smiling and nodding, some even laughing - I am too.

I want to smile and nod and laugh for as long as I can. I can't think, and can't stop thinking. Time to drive, and listen to music, and drive and drive and drive. Time to go get a bagel and sit out looking over Lewiston and muse.

No thinking, just musing, just glowing.

My chest fills and my heart pounds - I'm restless - I pace - I try to sit and read, but after reading the same page 8 times I give up.

Have you ever listened to a piece of music and had the hairs on your arm stands up, and felt that weird shiver that travels up and down your back when you get hit by a cold draft? Have you ever found your pace when running?

Have you?

Do you know the days?

Do you find yourself seeing things that you never saw?

Seeing them everywhere? And wondering how you missed them?

Have you felt that strange breed of excitement, which steals your stomach and gives you strength and courage in return?

Do you know that of which I speak?

Have you lost reason?

Have you found reason?

How is it that I have not heard this story before?

Have I just not been listening?

I've seen it dimly - I've seen it in the eyes of my friends, in seen it in their smiles, and heard it in their laughs - and I think something was lost on me - there was a quality and depth that I missed.