He has dealt bountifully with me

A Sunday night in Yakima, a windy Sunday night - I can tear traffic thru my open window. I hear leaves and dead grape vines rustle and move in the brisk spring night. My shades clang against the window frame, echoing thru my open apartment.

I'm alone in this city - alone with my thoughts. I lie on the floor and write. Write to think - to process - to flush out these thoughts, these feelings.

I lie on my stomach, my notebook inches from my face. It's pages buffeted by the winds in the night.

All of this helps - this "writing" - the erasing, the rewording, the reading out loud- over and over and over and over again - it must sound. It must sound right. I wish you could hear it spoken aloud. I wish you could hear what is says - what it does not say. What it cannot tell.

Words fail.

They will only bring you so far - they may lead you astray - they may misguide you.

No - No I see I am mistaken - I, my words, fail. I cannot not express fully what I am trying to say. I am inadequate.

and yet - and yet life goes on...

~ ~ ~
How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
~ ~ ~

"How long" is the cry of the Psalmist

I AM sufficient. Rest in Me.

~ ~ ~
When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,

I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~
But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.
~ ~ ~

The psalmist's question goes unanswered - and he is not left questioning.

excerpts from Psalms 13 and Psalms 73

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