Dramatic Lighting

I feel old today. Today I was asked to write a letter of recommendation. Today I was asked for advice. Today I laughed. Today I cried. Today I read. Today I prayed. Today I wrote. Today I worked.

I feel old, and secure, and scared, and safe.

I feel diffrent in a way that is new.

I have been where some people are now.

I have been there, waiting, wondering, hurting, and longing.

I was lead out, called out, brougth out.

I followed and am still following.

I feel old today.



Out of place

Last Sunday I gave a man a ride to church. I made the small talk that one makes when meeting new faces, asked him how he was - how his week went. There are times in life when so much is going on, when all you need is someone to ask. Those days when life is so much bigger than you, when your troubles are overwhelming - when you have real problems - problems that when resolved will have changed the direction of your life. We talked - much was said and little was spoken. He's running I think - his wife wants to leave him, his son and his girlfriend are having trouble - their kids are sick.

He blinked and rubbed the tears back and I did not know how to be a comfort - I did not want to offer empty platitudes, and hollow words. I wanted to take all his pain and suffering and bear it far away. I wanted to be able to say that it would all be better - I wanted to cry with him. To hear his heart being torn, to see and hear him justify attitudes - attitudes that would only guarantee the very things he feared, all of this in the space of five minutes. I felt useless, not knowing what to say, so I did the safe thing and asked more questions. And so we talked - rather I listened, and he talked. It was a short ride that I tried to make longer. I never know what to say to older people when I'm asked for advice - I feel like the system is broken - I feel out of place.

So I stick to what I've been thru - talk about the comfort I've received - maybe I can't carry your load - but I can walk with you as you carry yours.

You never walk alone


Friends Unmet

There's this guy I know - he lives in a place far away - I've never met him - I've never met him and I like him.  He sends me the things 14 year olds send people - things that make me smile and rememeber being 14.  He's a smart kid and I like his style.  I'm sure he's going to have his share of things to figure out the hard way, and I'm sure that he's not perfect - but he's 14 and he's got time to figure life out.

I got a message from him this evening that just made me smile - it was about shoes, Chucks in particular - he had taken some pictures (really nice pictures too) and thought I might get a kick out of them.

Made my day.

Climbing the stairs to head to bed I saw that I had one notification on Facebook, and there was a link to the photos.  I sat there smiling for a full ten minutes.  I'm still smiling.  Sometimes it does not take much to make people feel special - sometimes its just a friend you've never met saying Hi.


Nina Simone

I've written about Nina Simone before in this blog - I want you to have a taste of just what it is about her music that I love so much.

This video does just that - it makes me want to play bass - in dimly lit rooms - it opens some deep part down inside that just resonates. The piano, drums, bass - and Nina - my favorite scene - when we switch from claymation to shots of the instruments.

I don't know what it is - I don't know why - but I feel all the notes - I want to drive in the rain at night - with this playing - along the coast - the moon is full and I can see the waves - I'm high above the coast, there are steep cliffs along this stretch of road. The song is on repeat - I'm not in a hurry - there is no rush. This song is in no rush - just enjoy it.

I don't know - maybe my vision is colored - maybe the world is a darker place than I would like to think it is. But when I listen to this song - everything seems simpler.

Chris was right - when you can't think of anything to post - post a video.



Hiatus: n., pl. -tus·es or hiatus.
  1. A gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break: “We are likely to be disconcerted by . . . hiatuses of thought” (Edmund Wilson).
  2. Linguistics. A slight pause that occurs when two immediately adjacent vowels in consecutive syllables are pronounced, as in reality and naive.
  3. Anatomy. A separation, aperture, fissure, or short passage in an organ or body part.

[Latin hiātus, from past participle of hiāre, to gape.]


Late nights. . .

Jason - Thank You

I am tired.

I want to just bind everyone's wounds and fade away.

I want to fix everything and then disappear.

Why do I hide when I feel misunderstood.

I feel -No, I am so close to a few - and then I just leave others to dry out.

Why do I feel so poured out at times.

Like I said - it's late - I'm really tired.
Maybe not all here

I need to go to bed

I'm ready for warmer weather - for the rain and the smell it brings



Note in a bottle

I am running low on bottles. . .

. . . nothing left to stick these notes in. . .

. . . maybe I'll find a hidden stash somewhere. . .