I remember the first time it happened.  I can't describe it well enough to make you feel the terror.  The panic and frustration.  Waking up from a deep sleep and being unable to move.  At all.  At first you are confused, somethings not quite the same. You try an arm, a hand, you can't blink, you can't talk, you can't yell out.  It's so so so close. Try harder.  And you try and you're frantic now.   You can not see, you can not move you can not speak.  Inside you are tugging, pulling, pushing, stomping - or at least trying to will all that is within you.  And it feels like all you need to do is try a little harder, just a little bit.

In the Hmong culture it is called "dab tsog" or  the crushing demon.  The Korean's call it "gawee nulim" which literally means being pressed down by scissors.  The Maltese thought a knife placed beneath the pillow would ward off attacks from Haddiela - the wives of the Hare's.

It is sleep paralysis.  And the only way I know to beat it is to stop, relax and fall back asleep.  Letting my addled brain wake up all the parts in the right order.

It seems to be the case for lots of things when I loose traction.  When my car slips on ice I know to stop I must stop stopping.  And then and only then can I start stopping.  Stop fighting so that you can win the fight.  Don't flail.  Focus.

Trying to get some sleep

Unplanned adventure this afternoon.  Well not totally. Here's the planning I did -

Unplanned Adventure:
Take half a tank of gas, Ipod, Rebel XSi and mix.

Very "third star to the right and straight on till morning"  

I got on the road and started with Ingrid Michaelson - yes Ingrid Michaelson, found her thur Pandora - and I think she's great.

She got me past Seattle, I then switched to sermons from the Village Church.  I've been working thru a three sermon set Matt did on the games people play with God.  There is a section in the third sermon around the 27 minute mark Matt totally goes on what seems like a tangent.  Been processing that for a while.  What it calls me to do now.  How it calls me to live in the future.   How it reveals the depth of what has been done for me.

See a sign for the North Cascade Scenic Highway and on an impulse I'm off  I-5 and headed eastward.

Driving in silence now.

Then on to the Mountain Loop Highway.

Mt. Baker is well worth the drive.

I apologize for the lack of photos - I don't have an multi purpose adventure kit in my Dad's car so I was ill equipped.  Poor shoes coupled with a thin jacket and dimming light and no tripod ment few pictures were taken during my 230 mile ramble.

I like to drive and think.

I need to learn to like running and thinking.

- Sorry -

It breaks all the rules of good photography - but to my credit I was standing in the middle of a bridge bounded on both sides by blind corners.  I was able to get four good shots that I could stitch together.

 Secret Swimming Hole

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing with us bro.
    I'm continually blessed with the depth of your insight.